I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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