Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
