My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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