he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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