I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
