She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How naked do you want me to be?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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