i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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