Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
