My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
