we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
