dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
