Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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