I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
