So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
