Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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