I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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