K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
