dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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