so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
