I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
