I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
