i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have already put on my inside pants.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
