sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
