I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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