my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
