i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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