I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
