im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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