Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
