hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
