Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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