it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
