There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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