In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
