I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
