I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
