I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
