Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
