Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
