Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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