if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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