I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
