We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
