i wish there were pregnant emoticons
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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