I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
