Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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