Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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