The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
