is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
