I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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